Flowers

Speaking of spring...these gorgeous arrangements helped me get through the end of winter.  Thank you Lake Champion, the Alpern family and Jessie!

Signs of Spring

Although we've had flurries this week and there are still large patches of white on the ground, I took the kids on a walk and we searched for signs of spring.  I could tell that the air had changed and my heart was yearning to find ANYTHING as evidence of this fact.  And there they were, little green shoots lining our house in the hard packed dirt, under some dead foliage.  They were beautiful.

I feel like since coming home from China we haven't caught a break.  The jet lag was terrible, our newest member came home ill and then passed those germs around to the rest of us, our basement totally flooded and now just when everyone was on a good schedule daylight savings has thrown us another curve ball.  I'll be honest, it's been tough.  I love Joni...I love her skin, her smile, her tiny body, everything.  But she is a wounded child who experienced great loss and transition.  She has coping mechanisms that were crucial to her orphanage survival and although not needed anymore she still employs.  She needs and wants me in ways that I sometimes find smothering and overwhelming.  I knew what I was walking into and I knew that it takes time for a baby to build trust and security.  I also know what's at the end of that process and I'm impatient for it.  My impatience only hurts the process and so I'm trying to convert from a "results' person to a "journey" person.  It's not easy for me but she and the rest of my family are worth it.

Today there were some encouraging signs in the road to healthy attachment...Joni didn't scream when I put her down for bed, she didn't scream throughout her entire bath (only during the hair washing part), she actually left on her own accord a room I was in, and this week she learned to kiss.  There is a long way to go but the air has changed and it is beautiful.

        

Thank Yous

To everyone that has prayed for us, babysat for us, given us money, given the kids a present, made us a meal, and/or drove us to an airport, we are so very GRATEFUL!  Thank you cards are coming out slowly..due to severe jet lag up until three nights ago we were going to bed right after putting the kids to bed.  I'm trying to get a least three done a night.  Although I've kept a list of who has done what I am very paranoid I am going to miss someone.  So please know that from the bottom of our hearts we thank you.  We could not have done this without you and you've made a real difference in the life of one special little girl.  BLESSINGS to you all! 

Very Informative Blog Posts and Article

If you want to know more about the current state of China adoptions, international adoption and orphanages, check these out.  We will never know why Joni's biological family gave her up to be found and raised in an orphanage but one thing is for certain...she is a BLESSING and the furthest thing from a curse that any child has ever been.

http://chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com/2010/07/amy-eldridge-of-lwb-speaks.html

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1758-5899.2009.00001.x/pdf

It couldn't of lasted forever...

Well we're back in the weeds again.  Joni is doing great and continues to grow leaps and bounds.  But those lovely germs we brought all the way from China have now passed onto Colston and Oakley.  My poor little guy is not his jolly self and can barely breath (not easy for the devoted thumb sucker).  Having Joni and a sick child at home is challenging because both need and want my lap and attention.  So just keep us in your prayers and thoughts. 

I know this is what everyone wants....pictures

Great Days

I must say the last four days have been nothing short of wonderful.  Joni continues to blossom and bond with all of us, my schedule is cleared in order to focus on the kids, people are making us meals...I mean life is sweet.  In some ways it feels like Joni has been here forever.  I know there are still more challenges ahead and I'm a little intimidated about resuming "normal" life with three kids between 1 and 6, but for now I am basking in the glory of being mom to three wonderful blessings and wife to one good man.  We went to church today for the first time and Joni did well.  She definitely got a lot of attention before and afterwards, but I kept her close to me and she didn't seem too stressed.  During the service she was even smiling, talking, and interacting with the folks around us.  Our Grace Fellowship family has been so supportive and everyone was so excited about her arrival. 

On a more sober note Oakley came home from school the other day and sadly told me that two boys in her class told her that Joni wasn't her really her sister.  Wow, although I expected her to have to deal with this it still felt like a punch in the gut.  I know those two boys aren't evil incarnate, but I don't want Oakley to question the sister bond that is clearly growing nor feel embarrassed about our "different" family.  I just told her that legally Joni is her sister just as if she was born to us.  That I know in my heart she's my daughter and you know in your heart she's your sister and that it doesn't really matter what those two boys think.  I also explained that families are built in different ways, both through birth and decisions...just like when mommy and daddy (who aren't related by birth) decided to get married and become a family.  She seemed to accept that answer and moved on to something else but it is sad to think about the day when Joni herself is told that she really isn't "our daughter."  This where my faith will have to come in.  Faith that her heavenly father will comfort her, reveal her truth, provide her security, and open her heart to fully receive our love and place in our family.

Better Days

Wow, it's amazing what a good night's sleep and a healthier baby can do to your perspective.  God is good and I once again have found compassion and patience for my sweet blessing.  She is so amazing and each day she opens her heart up a little more and shows us her real self.  She is SO cute, I mean seriously when she smiles something inside my chest flutters.  Such an itty bitty thing too which is a lot of fun to hold, and toss in the air and flip upside down (all things she likes).  Colston and Oakley are doing great, they are wonderful siblings and seem to want to be with her as much as possible.  Although I have to "assist" Colston and Joni on the sharing front and sometimes they both want my lap, he has not once been aggressive or displayed resentment towards her.  Oakley has been wonderful and I think they are going to be very close.  Scott continues to be superdad and superhusband.  I failed in my prior posts to communicate how wonderful he was in China, taking care of money, documents and other details so that I could focus on caring for and bonding to Joni.  He was so patient with her it's paying off as their relationship grows stronger each day.  Since we've been home he's helped around the house and with the others kids, knowing that I need that extra help as I adjust to the new normal.  I just feel so blessed.