Although we've had flurries this week and there are still large patches of white on the ground, I took the kids on a walk and we searched for signs of spring. I could tell that the air had changed and my heart was yearning to find ANYTHING as evidence of this fact. And there they were, little green shoots lining our house in the hard packed dirt, under some dead foliage. They were beautiful.
I feel like since coming home from China we haven't caught a break. The jet lag was terrible, our newest member came home ill and then passed those germs around to the rest of us, our basement totally flooded and now just when everyone was on a good schedule daylight savings has thrown us another curve ball. I'll be honest, it's been tough. I love Joni...I love her skin, her smile, her tiny body, everything. But she is a wounded child who experienced great loss and transition. She has coping mechanisms that were crucial to her orphanage survival and although not needed anymore she still employs. She needs and wants me in ways that I sometimes find smothering and overwhelming. I knew what I was walking into and I knew that it takes time for a baby to build trust and security. I also know what's at the end of that process and I'm impatient for it. My impatience only hurts the process and so I'm trying to convert from a "results' person to a "journey" person. It's not easy for me but she and the rest of my family are worth it.
Today there were some encouraging signs in the road to healthy attachment...Joni didn't scream when I put her down for bed, she didn't scream throughout her entire bath (only during the hair washing part), she actually left on her own accord a room I was in, and this week she learned to kiss. There is a long way to go but the air has changed and it is beautiful.
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Lynne you'd love it...a bunch of flowers sprouted up all along the front bed of my house :) They smell so good.
ReplyDeleteLynne,
ReplyDeleteAdopting a child from an orphanage is wonderful but very challenging. I adopted Daniel just before he turned 3 and it has been a long road...However, now that we have had him for 2 and a half years , we are basking in the light at the end of the tunnel. He is such a good boy, has attached beautifully and most of his "hang ups" have gone by the way side. Life is not perfect, but boy is it so much better!
Hang in there...these issues of your daughter's WILL go away but ususally it is gradual. This time next year, you may think back to now and say, wow! what a difference a year makes (or even a month, for that matter!)
The Lord sends sufferings our way for good reason...so we have reason to turn to him even more, and so our suffering can be united to His and then it has true merit. How beautiful! It just doesn't get better than that.
Take care,
Liz Neville
I loved how you compared spring to the budding relationship between you and your child. Any relationship worth having takes a lot of nurturing and time and energy.
ReplyDelete"the air has changed and it's beautiful" is a wonderful expression. EllaHope and I are in transition also...the end of nursing. As I am in the process of weaning, our relationship is a bit rocky. I hurt for my EllaHope, but it is necessary to wean. To make matters worse, she pinched thumb and has been unable to suck it. She keeps showing it to me. Today she didn't ask for milk since this morning and I tried to nurse her tonight and she was done so fast. The end of a season in my life. This is the last baby I will ever nurse....
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.