Adoption Application Sent

Saturday, June 17, 2006


Today we submitted our adoption application to America World. I am both excited and scared. It just seems so crazy and yet so right for us. Those of you who know me know that I like to give God lots of chances to redirect me in case I'm going the wrong way (remember my six month, no contact break with Scott?). I've been praying constantly that before we get deep into this process that He would close the door if it's not meant to be. I even took a pregnancy test before submitting the application just to make sure! We are using birth control so it would be next to impossible...sounds crazy but I figured it would be one easy way for God to redirect us if that were to happen right now (AW requires you to wait a year if you get pregnant and we won't financially qualify with a family of four). But it came out negative so I hit "submit" to our online application.

Our adoption journey has officially begun. I don't anticipate being rejected since I work for AW and know the rules of eligibility...besides they like me there for the most part.

Now I start the paperwork process....collecting birth certificates, marriage certificates, medical forms, financial forms, completing a home study, employment letters, photographs...a huge undertaking. I plan to reduce stress by keeping a list of three things I need to get done...no more, no less. Truthfully, we aren't in a rush to submit as soon as possible. We have a beautiful baby girl to keep us busy and content.

I don't think the reality of this will sink in until we get our referral (photo, biography, and medical of the child China has matched us with). BUT reality IS that she could be growing in someone's tummy right now...alive...moving around...with a tiny beating heart. That thought is too wild for me to grasp. If I reflect on it instead of feeling joyful I become a little sad, because there is a mother who probably doesn't yet know she will be forced to make the toughest, most regretable, decision of her life. Is she rubbing her pooch affectionately thinking of a name that will never be baby's? Is she taking strange Chinese herbs to try and get her longed for boy? Is she praying to her ancestors that the baby be strong and healthy and honorable? She and I are living different lives in very different cultures, thousands of miles away, yet we are both women waiting for, praying for, hoping for a child to love and teach and nurture. The same child. And in the end it will be me who gets the priviledge of being her mother, I will be blessed beyond measure and she will be broken beyond repair. My dream of providing a home for a true orphan will be fullfilled, her dream crushed. You can argue that she's the one making the choice but those of you that really know the Chinese understand the immense pressure and possible servere consequences a wife might face for trying to keep daughter against the husband's and/or grandparent's will. I pity her and I wish that no mothers were in her position and no babies ever unwanted.

I can tell already that once I meet my little girl I will regularly weep for the woman who gave her life and wasn't around to see it be lived.