My Hero

Yesterday we went to the Guangzhou Zoo, watched cheesy 80's movies (for some reason that is all HBO plays here), and I got sushi for dinner.  Sounds like a normal day but some pretty amazing stuff happened along the way.  I've heard that Joni's orphanage is filled with mostly special needs children, some pretty severe.  I'd imagine a sweet, laid-back child like her got overlooked and assumptions were made that since her SN isn't severe that she was doing fine.  I can see though that Joni wasn't doing fine.  Joni doesn't know how to receive or give true love.  Even when I observed her with the caregivers I could tell they required her to perform in order to get their adulation.  When Joni came to us if we made direct eye contact with her she would look down.  When she was afraid (which generally meant when Scott came close) she would hold her arm over her face and make her self comforting sucking sound or itch her face and neck.  She arched her back when we held her.  She didn't smile or make any noises. Her cries were few and pathetic, as if she had no expectation that they would elicit any response from us.  She did not express one need or want.  She could not feed herself Cheerios.  I realize some of this was due to the transition but I really believe some of this is due to the fact she has never known the consistent and unconditional love of a parent.  In just five days of having us she is like a flower blooming before our eyes.  Joni laughed for the first time yesterday.  Before when I tickled her she would smile but make no noise, it was very strange.  Now she laughs.  Joni more then a few times crawled over to me to be on my lap.  I spent a whole hour just holding her like an infant as she looked at me and I stroked her hands/face/legs/tummy/arms.  It occurred to me that she had never had this experience before as I doubt any nanny had one hour to devote solely to holding her.  Joni said the word, "da da" and "ma" and I think the Chinese word for nose.  These were the first vocalizations we heard.  Joni let her daddy hold her and even gave him a few half smiles for his efforts during playtime.  These are big advancements and they are happening so quickly when you take in all she has been through.  She really is amazing and my hero.